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LATE IN GETTING MARRIED In 20th century, there is a phenomenom occurs in our society. It’s late in getting married. It becomes the biggest problemfor women because there are kinds of impacts. Many causes why they are late in getting married and moreover, the worst is they dont get marry. However , the last research show that women late in getting married because they focuss on studying, dedication at thier parents, expensive wedding, culture influance, little bit understand about marry purpose and they worry if they are poligamied. ( rasyid : 2005 ) First of all, women late in getting married because they focuss on studying. It’s occured in our environment. According to rasyid,” Banyak wanita telat menikah dikota dikarenakan kegigihan wanita tersebut untuk menyelesaikan studi juga pengaruh tingkat kesulitan laki – laki dalam menyediakan tempat tinggal.”( rasyid : 29 : 2005 ) It means that many women late in getting married in the city because her persistence to finish her studying and the influances of man’s ability to prepare a house. Based on that statement, many women decide to complete a studying and they think that men can not prepare good homestay so they try to concentrate at her studying first. Moreover, studying to be best way for them when they look at any conditions which less chance to get better husband because in the real condition show that men so difficult to get a job. For example, women in this era think that through education they can reach their idea to become someone who usefull to people around her. Women who postpone to getting married and making a choice to complete studying have worst risk cause when they focuss to reach her idea, they need a long time to finish it and the problem is women should think if they will be ever age then the men will think two times if he wants to marry women who has one’s majority or she has been mature but she still thinks that education is more important than getting married. Then women who want to reach idea, they will forget a plan to get married. In this case, they think that education can repair their future. Many story about someone who focuss on education she will become succes women then for other women who don’t succes yet, she will be curious then try to focuss on studying but the result is she will be late to get married. Actually, if there are women think about education can repair their future is right but it will be contrary if they little bit forget about the truth as women to make a family through getting married because better life will come true through marry then ALLAH has promised it that if you have gotten married, you are going to have better life. This can be seen when people say that education is part of faithness so we have to think studying is more important than others. Islam has teached moeslem that education is part of faithness then studying as obligation for moeslem so women look for knowledge as obligation But we have to limite our mind so that our mind does’t impinge with another obligation such as getting married. So, we can enrich our knowledge with education meanwhile we do some obligations such getting married. Based on that statement we have to know that a wedding is not obstacle someone to increase her faithness through education. Instead of we should be aware that after we get married we could increase our faithness through education so both of them can fare well. And any statement say that education make women are not left by the man in all aspects or we call it as similiarity gender. For example, many women have been teached by ibu Kartini that women should have an ability so they will not be left with manalso any women got some inspirations about women presidents such as Arroyo, president of philipiness and some queens from europe. So they are more serious to focuss on studyingbut if we focuss on that statement, we will be lossy in the future because as women essense will be forgetten then we have to be aware that men and the women should fill out each other. In addition, women late in getting married in this era because another hindrance that is she must take care with her mother and young sisters. Rasyid declare that Apakah karena menikah lantas tidak bisa berbakti dan harus melepaskan begitu saja perhatian terhadap ibu dan adik – adik ? ( Rasyid : 19 : 2005 ) It means that does women get married, she can not take care of her mother and young sisters?. She wonders if she gets married, she will have any troubles to care with her mother and her young sisters then she is in difficult condition if she could not give an attantion. To demonstrate,the women think that after she gets married the ralationship between her and her family will be worst then she is sure that she must give totally attantion to her husband. Moreover she knows from her friend who has gotten married, she can not give attantion maximally because some prohibitions from her husband. In our environment, many women are confuse when they have options such marry first or she has to homage to her parent. She thinks that She worries if the husband doesn’t give a permission to look in the mother. Take the case of last news we heard that there was a wife who try to die by hanging because her husband did not give a permission to looked her mother who was getting sick. So another women who hear this news think that she has to delay to getting merried just for the sake of obligation to parent On this occation, another reason women late in getting married because she is afraid if after she gets married, she will stay in other place which far with mother’s house. As we know that husband/ wife spouse, they will look for comfortable place to stay althought the place so far from their mother. For example is women who live in village. After she gets married, her husband invite her to move other place then it was exactly far from mother’s house and of course as good daughter, she should think two times to decide it. And the most of them are regret when they have moved to elsewhere because she miss her mother and her young sister then she can not meet them cause any problem such as distance and other risks in travel. And then cause of women late in getting married because expensive wedding. According to rasyid ,” tidak seorang pun mengingkari bahwa mahar itu salah satu syarat sahnya akad nikah. Tetapi, nilai mahar inilah yang justru menjadi persoalan. Saat in para wali calon pengantin banyak yang menuntut keharusan bagi para laki – laki yang ingin menikahi putrinya membayar dengan mahar yang sangat tinggi. Padahal rasullah saw. Menyarankan bahwa bagi laki – laki yang tidak memiliki kekayaan, mahar pernikahan bisa ditebus hanya dengan satu surat dari al-qur’an.” ( rasyid : 73 : 2005 ) It means that no one disavow that expensive wedding “ brideprice “ is one of wedding’s prerequirement. But, brideprice becomes a problem. Recently, male relative legally responsible for a bride claim at the men who wanna marry her daughter should pay brideprice expensively whereas our propet Muhammad saw suggests that the men who does not have wealth, brideprice could be paid by just one a letter of al – qur’an. We have known that brideprice is one of wedding’s requisite. But it becomes a trouble when bride’s father ask expensive brideprice to the man who wanna marry his daughter then our messeger “ Muhammad “ has said that brideprice can be paid by a letter of al-Qur’an. This is a problem between daugter and her father. The most of women want to marry sooner but there is an obstacle, it’s about brideprice. The father wants his daugter marry with luxirious party then she gets expensive brideprice from her fiance. Althought most of them refuse it because it complicates husband to be. The finally, the woman cancel to getting married cause the man’s family take exeptions to pay the expensive brideprice. Moreover, it becomes reason why women late in getting married. To illustrate, in Egypt there traditional rules that compel anyone who wanna get merried, the women’s family have to ask to the men’s family to give expensive brideprice. If the men can not give it so that wedding will be canceled. Thus, last research declare that women who late getting married cause that problem, they will be stressed then she would like to blame her father and moreover she will regret and she is moody.So this very dengerous for women development and the father should responsible it. In the next discussion, The world have been changing. Now the men so difficult to seek good job then so contrary with women easy to get job. It has negative things at social order of society because if the most of them are jobless or they are poor man, they will get trouble if he wants to hold a wedding party cause minimum financial then included the men who wanna marry, he faces a reality that his salary is not enough to pay the brideprice. For example my uncle, he wants to marry with someone lovely but the women’s family refuse it cause the father knows that he is jobless. The father said that love without money is falsehood. In addition, another reason women late in getting married because expensive wedding is simbolizing a happiness. In our society, expensive wedding is sign of happiness then we have to hold it as best as we can. And based on women’s family point of view. If wedding party is not royally, the merriage will be unhappy and unlucky. So women’s family ask to fiance to give expensive wedding or expensive brideprice as simbolizing a happiness. And the risk is the man can not fill that serving turn because some reasons.To illustrate, in madura a wedding will be held if the man can pay brideprice expensively. If they don’t , the wedding will be canceled out because people of madura think that women is valuable then we have to respect it with giving her a expensive wedding. Actually our messeger propet Muhammad saw has adviced moeslem to give easy way to marry. It can be described with his saying. He said that if among you wanna marry then you have an ability to hold a wedding therefore you have to marry because merriage is part of faithness. In other reason women late in getting married cause culture’s rule make bad influance for women in hold a wedding. It occurs in our society or in our culture. According to rasyid , “ banyak tradisi dan pandangan yang keliru mengenai pernikahan sehingga yang dirugikan adalah wanita.” ( rasyid : 26 : 2005 ) It mean that many tradition and opinions which wrong about merriage so women will suffer. In other stetement, between merriage and culture often missunderstanding then women lose out because some of culture’s rules make bad influance. In this case about culture’s influances is Primitive parent still believe that if eldest daughter has not married yet, the young sisters are forbidden to marry too. For example, at 1 june 1996 in lndia there were 3 women died then as we knew that they were one family, moreover they were eldest sister and two young sister. They carried out it because their father could not look for a fiance for first daughter then he forbid two daughters to marry too because some of tradition’s rules. And the finally, all his daughter died by hanging cause they thought that they would not get married. We know that story is so sad but we should take a wisdom from that problem. As good parents, we have to love our children then we try to oversee our daughter from something bad cause it as parent’s obligation. The most of local tradition believe that if the family contravene the tradition’s rules, they will be unlucky including merriage’s prohibition in local tradition. For instance, people of java believe that “ weton “ from women and the man if those are calculated twenty five, therefore they are forbidden to get married. If they countinue to hold a wedding party, people sure that the family will be not happy and they will find any problems which disturb their life. So, parent worry if it will be happened in daughter’s life then father always take hold of traditional rules. We can not deny people’s opinions when they make a gossip about us. Especially when we break the rules such problems above. We will be discimination by others who dislike us. In next research about women late in getting married is Women just little bit understand the purpose getting married itself. Take from al qur’an Al rum 29 ( 21 ) say that diantara tanda – tanda ( kebesaran dan kekuasaan ) Allah adalah Dia menciptakan dari jenismu pasangan – pasangan agar kamu ( masing – masing ) memperoleh ketentraman dari ( pasangannya ) dan dijadikannya diatara kamu mawaddah dan rahmah. Seseungguhnya yang demikian itu benar – benar terdapat tanda – tanda bagi kaum yang berpikir. ( Siti musdah : 24 : 2007 ) it means that among God’s sign ( greatness and the mercy of god ) Allah is creator of your genre then spouse among you so you get a peace then you get “ mawaddah and rahmah .“ truly that there are god’s signals for human who think it. In lslam point of veiw about a wedding, the purpose of merriage are the human being get mawaddah and rahmah then you will be happy in the world and hereafter. But the fact show that women little bit understand of it causes some reason. For example, women from europe and america, most of them don’t understand the purpose of merriage then they do some sex activities without marriege because they think that a wedding just a something useless then it’s not important cause she thinks that a wedding is the way to legal sex activities so it’s not important. So those opinions make them sure that a wedding is not necessery. One another reason women late getting married cause they little bit undertand about marriage’s purpose because the most of women in the city think that the happiness not only come from a wedding so no regret when they decide to delay to marry. To illustrate, the most Jakarta’s poeple especially women,the average of thier age are 29 years old. But they dont have a husband, better they have a boyfriend cause their cogitation admit that husband is human being that boring. Thus, she can not enjoyfull her daily activities because she has to serve her husband. Then the manner of women daily life is highclass. So that the rationale of them hamper to getting married. Many cases show in televisions about tragedy in family or broken home reduce the primary of wedding’s purpose. For example, one of teenager in surabaya, after she watches some news about violence in family, she thinks that a marriage is scary thing which should be avoided. Thus , it makes her delay to marry.Siti musdah says “ hukum dasar pernikahan adalah mubah ( boleh ). Perempuan bebas memilih menikah atau tidak menikah. Kalau menikah mendatangkan manfaat dan kebajikan bagi dirinya maka menikah lebih dianjurkan. Sebaliknya jika pernikahan itu menyebabkan kesengsaraan dan ketidakadilan, maka sebaiknya ditunda. ( Siti : 58 : 2007 ) It means that the faundamental law of marriage is permitted. The women are free to choose to get married or she doesn’t. If she gets married then she gets a goodness and benefactions therefore better she does it. But it will be contary if the marriage caused a suffering and injustice then better she postpones to marry. To demostrate, we have known that marriage is not simple thing then it not easy to do. Many women who fail to keep household because they get bad husband and moreover she feels suffer when she undergoes her life with her husband then he seldom respects to his wife. So women have choice to get married or she doesn’t. If the marriage could make her happy, better she gets married then if the marriege give her a suffering, better she delays it. However, It depend on her who can be more selective to choose a good husband who understand her. In the conclusion, women late getting married because they focus on studying moreover in their point of view that they are thinking that the man can’t give good homestay. In other statement say that the mostly women till believe that if the father has passed away, she has to keep her mother and her daughters. It’s as obligation a daughter at their parent so she delays for getting married. Others complex problem which make women late in getting married is the most expensive wedding. Women’s family claim for the man who marries his daughter should give the expensive wedding. Thus, the man feels that it’s a burden so the man cancels to marry his daughter. Another expert explain that bad culture can influance people to do something wrong such as forbid a daughter to marry because elder daughter doesn’t marry yet.it’a wrong statement because getting marry is right of daughter. Sometimes we hear friends’s experiance about getting married. They talk about violance in family. So women feel afraid to get marry. Whereas if we know about marry porpose, we will be happy because our god has promised to people that marry is the best way to get a peace in the world and hereafter. Islam has recommended for moeslem in the world that if you have ability for getting marry, please get marry as soon as you can. Fenomena above explain that if the women late getting marry, she will find a seriuos problem. But don’t worry, Allah has other plan for women who doesn’t marry yet. Possibly if you have gotten marry and the God doesn’t bless you, your daily life will be unhappy. Thus, if you hear a wife who suffer cause she has bad husband, you will thank to god because you dont marry yet.  

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